Lasting Love

by

It is hard to believe a year ago, today, we lost Kona to cancer. Not a day goes by that I don’t remember him in some little way and with a smile.

A lot of people ask us why we haven’t adopted another dog into our lives yet. Healing takes time. Some heal quickly, or having another helps them heal. Others take time, a long time. I usually fall somewhere in the middle. This time it has been harder, much harder. Losing three to cancer in 5 years was too much. Too soon.

Losing Raja was extremely difficult, but he taught me more about myself than anyone. After 8 wonderful years with him, he gave me the strength to go on. Losing Spencer after 2 1/2 years with him was equally hard, even though we didn’t have the time with him we did with Raja. Because Spencer was older, we were a little prepared but it didn’t make letting him go any easier. He had give so much to so many in such a short time. It felt like he had accomplished what he was here to do.

All our boys were different. Raja was the ever confident, huge personality. Quick to make friends and always ready for adventure. He had the uncanny ability to always make people feel good about anything.Including cancer. Spencer was the dog everyone loved the instant they saw him: big, beautiful and gentle. He was confident in a quite stately manner, but being a rescue he came with some baggage. Spencer craved companionship after being abandoned several time in his life. Still, in the end he gave so much to so many in need as a therapy dog. He was perfect at it.

Kona was the first dog I had who was not confident. Kona had been abused and neglected. He had to learn to love and more importantly, trust again. He did. We bonded deeply, and although he did well with pet therapy, he was always happiest with just us. He overcame his fear and loved us. Something in that act touched me beyond words, deep to the core of my heart. When Kona was diagnosed with cancer, I felt utterly destroyed. I felt angry that he had only 2 good years in his entire life. He deserved so much more. He was so young and just learning to live. Letting Kona go was hard, but I couldn’t bear to see him suffer. I said goodbye to Kona under the lemon tree he and I spent many lazy afternoons lounging under. While I whispered how much I loved him, and held him tightly to me, he gently passed on.

So foster dogs come and go. Any one of them would be an amazing addition to our family. They are all good dogs and we love them all easily. But my heart is wary. To love and lose again. I know it will heal with time and eventually it will be ready when the one who needs us most arrives. Until then, I take comfort in all the smiles left behind by those we shared our lives with so far. Especially my 3 Golden boys.

24 thoughts

  2. What a beautiful tribute to Kona. I will always remember that first day ….and how he was so scared and crouched in fear of a statue on your patio. I also remember he would not lift his face up and look at people due to fear…..your husband had to gently lift Konas head up with his hands to look into his eyes. I remember too seeing him a few months later and seeing how your love and patience transformed him. Thank you for showing him his true worth.

  3. Oh my sweet sweet boy. I hadn’t checked in with your blog in several weeks and then to see this post.
    Thank you for loving Kona & all your boys.
    Much love.

    • Thanks Judy and thank you for finding Kona and taking the time to go get him. He made me smile so much…he really had a great sense of humor. I miss him dearly.

  4. I understand. I’m one of those voices who keeps asking “Will this foster stay with you?”. I ask because I know you will provide the love a dog needs to live life the way a dog should. Kona was lucky enough to have fallen into your hearts. I keep hoping another pup will have the same chance, although I know each foster who comes your way is lucky enough to experience it too. I hope this makes sense.

    Sam’s Mom, Christine

  5. I miss Kona too, though I only “knew” him through your blog. I think of him often, and when I’m struggling to find the patience I need with our golden Harlow I remember that time is fleeting and she doesn’t deserve the sharp tone in my voice. Even if it is obnoxious when she gets stuck under the bed at night and then whines about it :-) Silly doggie.

    Thank you for sharing all of your boys with us!

    • Thank you Courntey. It’s easy to forget how precious those moments are with life being so hectic…one day you’ll remember Harlow under the bed and smile fondly:)

  6. Those are beautiful words. We understand your heart as we too have watched your ‘special’ ones leave you so abruptly. Thank you for doing everything that you do, especially opening up your heart and your home to these lovely dogs.

  7. Your three Golden boys. Such little words that convey so much life and love. I have always loved and had dogs in my life, but until i had a Golden, I don’t think I ever understood that true heart connection. When I read how your heart was touched when Kona alloed himself to be loved by you and your husband, I understood why that act touched you so deeply, Despite what negativity a Golden has gone through, with love, they are obedient to their true nature of feeling so deeply. Goldens are unique. They can be so challenging, because of their exuberance of life. The very reason we love them is the very reason some neglect or abuse them. Goldens are for those owners who truly appreciate them. We understand them. My first Golden, Sophie, took me a long time to bond and understand her. But, when I did, she was the love of my life. OUr second Golden, Gus, was a wild child when he came to live with us at nearly two. We thought he was barely a year old, because of his size and behavior. He was loved, but shown very little direction and given no outlet for his energy. Because of what Sophie taught me about her breed, I loved Gus from the beginning, because I knew all he needed was nurturing to allow his true personality to develop. He has come a long way, but still has a way to go, but I know he will continue to mature.
    It broke my heart when you said how it hurt you, because Kona only knew two years of being loved. It is just not right. I am just so very sorry for for all of your losses in such a short time. Ordinary people are the ones that are aware of the need to care and work for justice for those who cannot do so by themselves. Ordinary is being humble and that is a good attribute.

    • Thanks Sophie and Gus’s Mom. It’s great Sophie paved the way for Gus…they all have that Golden personality but they are al different in their own special way too. I know all of ours were and the foster dogs too. All any dog needs (and wants) is love and stability, and that’s a small thing to give when they give you so much in return.

  8. I didn’t realize it had been a year. I am writing this through tears for your losses. Ironically my Ginger was prancing across the yard with a tennis ball in her mouth and I told my dh she reminded me of Spencer and his mouthful of tennis balls. (ginger is sort of simple minded though and one is all we’d expect of her) You will know when you are ready. You both have so much to give and while you wait for that time and right dog so many fosters are lucky to get a taste of that love. Bless you for your giving hearts.

  10. Wow, can’t believe it’s been a year that Kona is gone. Michelle, you have a beautiful way with words and pictures and I always enjoy what you share.

    Heidi, Tucker and Daisy’s mom.

    • Thank you so much Heidi. Sometimes the blog is more therapy for me:) but I’m glad if other’s can enjoy bits and pieces of it too. Big hugs to Tucker & Daisy.

  11. I have followed your websites with Spencer and Kona and have always admired
    your love and devotion to your forever dogs as well as your foster dogs. It is difficult
    to love and loose but, these wonder dogs have had their lives made so much better
    by your love no matter for how many or how few years, months or days they have
    had with you. You are remarkabe people.

    • Thank you Sharron. We are ordinary people who have been very lucky to have had such great dogs in our lives. They have all touched our hearts and left an everlasting impression.

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